Do you think you're on the right track for raising kids who are kindhearted and compassionate, and then they say or do something so inexcusably mean or inconsiderate, and it makes you wonder, "Where the heck am I going wrong?"
There’s a saying that goes, “Preach the gospel. If necessary, use words.” Along these same lines, I’d like to say “Show your children how to be compassionate towards others. If necessary, use words.” This basically means that while verbal guidance might be necessary at times, we should primarily show / teach with our actions, because these actions are what will most influence others – especially our own kids. It's true, and I have the letter that proves it!
The other day, I ran across a stack of 7 folded notes written to/from my 15-year-old and 6-year-old daughters. Because I’m a nosy mom (I bet you are too!), I took a seat and read through them all, and it appears as though the first note that initiated the back & forth exchange was from the teenager. It was an apology to her baby sister, telling her she was sorry that she was too busy with schoolwork the previous day and couldn’t play with her. The note went on to ask “If you have a chance, we should have a meeting at 2pm today. If you think this is a good idea, please meet me in the kitchen at promptly 2:00.”
I don’t know exactly when that first letter was written or what happened at 2pm that day when they met in the kitchen, but I’d like to imagine that my teen first prepared a yummy snack for her sister and then they spent time playing together. The subsequent notes may have been sent within days of the first one (none of them are dated), and they are all brief and sweet, some as simple as “I love you.”
I was encouraged! I couldn't help but think of the influence that may have come from all the instances in the past when I've returned to my children in love and apologized to them for being unavailable. You see, often times I’m too busy or too tired to play with or engage my children when they request it (because... life). But usually, after my work is done, I go back to them, say I'm sorry for not being available, and tell them how eager I am to finally hear what they'd been wanting to talk about or spend the time with them that they’d been requesting.
Stumbling upon the note my 15-year-old wrote was a powerful reminder of one simple truth:
Our kids are learning how to treat others by watching how WE treat others. They are paying attention to how we do patience, kindness, and love, and they’re following our examples.
So, how ARE we doing patience, kindness, and love?
How do we respond when the DoorDash rep or the waiter at our favorite restaurant gets our lunch order wrong? How do we treat animals or critters that cross our path? How patient are we when we’re stuck behind a slow-moving vehicle? How do we respond to people in need? How respectful are we to our spouses? How do we treat people whom we disagree with politically?
Most importantly, how are we treating our children? Are we quick to show frustration to one of our kids? Their siblings undoubtedly pick up on this response and are likely to mimic our behavior. Do we show grace and give second chances?
If you have no other parenting goals for 2021, I hope you can consider at least focusing on this simple and powerful objective this year:
Let’s teach our children how to love and care for others well, by SHOWING them how WE love and care for others well.
Every day we have new opportunities to live a life worth emulating. This year, let's be intentional about how we behave, especially when our children are watching. Our actions now can impact the current generation and generations to come.
Let’s show our children how to be kind and compassionate. The world needs our example now more than ever!
